Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
