If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
