And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.