I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.