I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.