I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
