He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
