I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
