I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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