If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
