I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
