its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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