Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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