You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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