we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
