Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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