My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
