If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
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1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We left the knife in your bed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize