So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
