I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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