I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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