i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
