I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
and she was petting her beer can
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
