so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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