I must be too annoying 4 u.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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