dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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