Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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