..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
