So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it glows. i had to have it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
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I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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