i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
