no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
