you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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