I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
