I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can't put those talents on a resume
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
