I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
