Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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