Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
