Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
