I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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