Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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