fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
