I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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