remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
