Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
