There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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