I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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