I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
being pregnant is like rehab
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Randomize
