We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
