"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
