alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
