My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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