Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
