I skipped work to stalk him.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
