I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
