If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
