tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize