shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
