Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
