I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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