I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
