just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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