remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
