sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if only i could text you this smell
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
