Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
