Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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