Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
