I faked an abortion last night.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
