Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
