Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
