If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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