Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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