first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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