the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
